Object # 673.AIMOdA

Mummified Patsy - An Account by Dr. J. Blofli

Having long maintained an interest in the archaeological findings of the lower Mesopotamia area, it is with great joy that I offer up for public viewing our most recent acquisition. This piece appears here through the generous agency of a Neil of Bornmouth and represents a cruel insight into the practices of early terrorist groups within the Nile Delta region. A perfectly preserved mummified specimen this piece was difficult to precisely date due to the advanced embalming procedures employed but we estimate it to be pretty bloody old. The advanced preservation procedures curiously result in a surface with an almost identical appearance to common plastic. Indeed it is possible that terrorist groups within the Mesopotamia area at this time were privy to extraterrestrial technologies. In support of this supposition, scars on the lower abdomen of the piece precisely match the blade of an "alien warrior sword" uncovered in a nearby dig. This mummified corpse is believed to be the body of a juvenile "Patsy," contrary to the unsubstantiated opinions of the (so called) Reverend Carmel Nunce. The Patsy were a race of dwarf like humanoids artificially conceived and reared by religious terrorist groups operating in the lower Mesopotamia area. Sadly these infantile creatures were it would seem"born to be tortured". Like virtual lab rodents they were bred to be the test pad for numerous barbaric interrogation procedures. The "Patsys" were routinely dressed in the smok-like gingham garb seen on this specimen and were demarcated into experimental groups according to patterns shaved into their heads (in this specimen the normally flowing pink hair gives rise to a circular bald patch). Although the genetic pool of "The Patsys"is largely undetermined, recent DNA fingerprinting on archival specimens (such as this one) has suggested a genetic link with members of the pineapple family. This finding is consistent with the hair patterning observed on the specimen. We have also found evidence of a number of experimental interrogations:
-the gauze cladding on the arms and legs is believed to have been a burn dressing employed to ensure the longevity of the"Patsy"following experimental use of blow torches.
-brown stains on arms and legs are likely to be the results of low dose radiation often employed by the terrorist tribes.
-finally the most alarming aspect of the mummy is the bluish colouration on the cheeks. It is highly likely that this resulted from the forced ingestion of a poisonous species of barking frog common to the Nile region. This interrogation technique was often used as a last result and often (as we believe in this case) resulted in the death of the subject.


Back to Curator's Catalogue