"The Two Minutes or your Money Back Wafer Dispenser"

Very Reverend Carmel Nunce April 2000 "Give the 'Two Minutes or Your Money Back Church' a break pleads Nunce."

It is my intention to most strongly convey to your readers once and for all, the innocence and integrity of my clergy members in the events surrounding the recent scandal within the "Two Minute Church" The wafer dispenser at the centre of all this nonsense is an important and ancient religous artefact which first appeared in our church's service late in 1998. The dispenser was donated to the church several years ago by Dr Johannes Blofli, who at the time was conducting reasearch into its origins.. His assistant, Mr Gavin Dorre beleived that it may have been connected to the ancient Mesopotamian"Patsy Race". We at the "Two Minute Church" were honoured to incorporate it in to our service. The wafer dispenser has revolutionised the distribution of communion to members of the "Two Minute" congregation. Utilising an air pressure pump action system, the dispenser spits out wafers at the astonishing rate of twenty per second, over a maximum distance of fifteen metres at normal room temprature. This dispenser was the major contributing factor in the Church upgrading it's title from the "Two Minutes and Fifty Seconds Church" to the present day title of "Two Minutes"; a service time unmatched in any denomination of which I have been a member. In April, 1997, the church mounted a court order suppressing publication of an article by Dr Johannes Blofli concerning the origins of the dispenser. Thus far I have refused to make comment to the media or to speak to Dr Blofli due to the unsavoury nature of his allegations. The church has been both mystified and deeply by Dr Blofli's actions. We view the dispenser as an integral part of our service and will make no further comment whilst legal proceedings are in place.

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