Interview with Mr Mitzuku Sumo (Hiroshima Metropolitan
Garbage Collector) - translated from Japanese:
"If I had not experienced it with my own vision I
would not have the courage to tell you my story of this. Yesterday, I
was uplifting the bin of my working day into the truck of garbage when
a narrow, flapping man in a snow-coloured coat
and spectacles is galloping and shouting at myself. I remember most strongly
many small cuts of mystery on the man's face. I could not interpret
his English abusings, but I do feel that he would enjoy taking from me
the final bin. He does this with rude vigour. I am next excited to watch
this man turn downside-up the final bin on to his head and to extract
from the bin a dirt-smelling old toy. Many insects also are attaching
themselves to this man's happy smiling crazy head. I think this man to
be escaped from somewhere institutional, but he is running away fast and
the police force should only kill him soon."
Interview with Carl Strauss conducted after
the publication of the Very Reverend Carmel Nunce's
paper 'The Leota and it's role in the ascendency of the Muski race'
"So, it was like this, right: I was listening to the Reverend
giving one of those sermons of hers about frozen witch frogs
or somesuch, when I saw something out the corner of my eye. I looked all
'round the congregation but everyone was just staring at the Reverend,
squirming in their pews. Ever snce that scandal with the super-speedy
wafer dispenser things just haven't been
the same. So, I kind of snuck out, not that anyone even noticed, they
were all too wrapped up in the Reverend's sinner stories. So, I get outside
and there is the bird, half cross-eyed and flapping about. It was trying
to get up but both wings were broken. I figured the best thing would be
to put it out of it's misery. I put me foot on its head and pressed. I
didn't want to ruin me best Church-goin' shoes so I just pressed firm
for as long as I could. Not a big stomp. Anyways, I was holding the tree
trunk for balance and pressing with me foot, I could hear the bones snapping,
when there was a cry from right behind me. Who should it be but the Reverend!
Jeez, I thought I'd be stoned fot it or somethin'. I had to think fast.
I know how much the Rev likes old stuff so I just grabbed it by the tail
and made up a story about how I'd found it at the bottom of the quarry
where I drive one of them earth movers. You should'a seen her face light
up! And then all the congregation started asking me questions and I got
caught up in it all. You know how it is...they never even noticed me before.
I don't know what came over me but all of a sudden I put it on me head
and started saying that's how they wore it. Call it divine inspiration.
I was the centre of attention, getting invited to dinner and prayer meetings
and stuff. People asked me opinion on al manner of things. I guess I got
carried away. Anyhow, that's the truth and I guess now it's all over for
me at the Church. In a way I'm glad. I was getting all them experts askin'
me stuff and, the thing is, I'm not the book-learnin' type."