305

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Mythical origin x Other writing x Catalogue description

CONSIDERED OPINION
by Dr Johannes Blofli

Although most workers would place the appearance of penguins circa 60 million years ago in a period dubiously called Paleogene, it is now increasingly probable that the ancestral Neornithes branched off much earlier into an evolutionary monstruosity, a sectorial subspecies called Relaxis. (We point our readers to a report on the discovery of a pale blue umbrella which would have been used by this species in adverse weather conditions).

Natural selection has still mostly failed to explain how a flightless bird could develop within a few generations into a 24/7 party animal. This issue aside, my recent publications in The Journal of Icicle Genes (Blofli and Barnaby, 2000; Blofli and Blofli, 2001b) have demonstrated how the rotational direction of the Bacchanal Triad would have indeed played a significant role in the sudden rise and extinction of Relaxis.

I take the opportunity to note that although our experiments have been exareggetedly publicized as having involved excessive amounts of drugs and alcohol, this was standing by the most absolute scientific standards of experimentation to replicate the Relaxis lifestyle.

We concluded that the species drove itself to extinction not by a potent and lethal combination of an algae heroin-derivative and squid sambuka but through an accelerated clockwise movement of the Bacchanal Triad preceding parties.

Unrefutably, this would have pushed them quicker through time and accelerated deleterious genetic mutations, in an elegant (and unfortunately rare) demonstration of the Blofli Effect. More extensive experimentation is required for a thorough discussion on the subject.

Finally, it should be noted that the belligerent characteristic of this species has been attributed in our Hiroshima lab to a gene which has been recently identified in Taleban fighters of Afghanistan.

We wish to acknowledge the support of our sponsors Guiness and Sake Hiroshima.

Name Bacchanal Triad
ID No #305
Description Religious artefact from the basal beds of the Chabat river in Antarctica.
Size 50x50x30 cm
Composition Petrified ice-chips and lichen.
Age Ca. 65 million years ago.
 

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