origin x Other writing x Catalogue
by Dr Johannes Blofli
most workers would place the appearance of penguins circa 60 million years
ago in a period dubiously called Paleogene, it is now increasingly probable
that the ancestral Neornithes branched off much earlier into an evolutionary
monstruosity, a sectorial subspecies called Relaxis. (We point
our readers to a report on the discovery of a pale blue
umbrella which would have been used by this species in adverse weather
Natural selection has still mostly failed to explain how a flightless
bird could develop within a few generations into a 24/7 party animal.
This issue aside, my recent publications in The Journal of Icicle Genes
(Blofli and Barnaby, 2000; Blofli and Blofli, 2001b) have demonstrated
how the rotational direction of the Bacchanal Triad would have indeed
played a significant role in the sudden rise and extinction of Relaxis.
I take the opportunity to note that although our experiments have been
exareggetedly publicized as having involved excessive amounts of drugs
and alcohol, this was standing by the most absolute scientific standards
of experimentation to replicate the Relaxis lifestyle.
We concluded that the species drove itself to extinction not by a potent
and lethal combination of an algae heroin-derivative and squid sambuka
but through an accelerated clockwise movement of the Bacchanal Triad preceding
Unrefutably, this would have pushed them quicker through time and accelerated
deleterious genetic mutations, in an elegant (and unfortunately rare)
demonstration of the Blofli Effect. More extensive experimentation is
required for a thorough discussion on the subject.
Finally, it should be noted that the belligerent characteristic of this
species has been attributed in our Hiroshima lab to a gene which has been
recently identified in Taleban fighters of Afghanistan.
We wish to acknowledge the support of our sponsors Guiness and Sake Hiroshima.