OBJECT 309

While away in Egypt on a six month research holiday, I sent a object simply named "Object 309" to 'The Collection' for historical analysis and safe keeping. After my fantastic getaway, I returned to work at RMIT were I was mortified to read on our web site a analytical write up on 'Object 309'. This write up or so call theory was the most ridiculous load of fucking bullshit and LIES I've ever, ever, read in my entire life. This fabricated bullshit I refer to was a report conjured up by one of our now ex employee's 'Mr. Ph.D.' Dr. Johannes Blofli. "A joke apparently". I cannot believe that "Mr. Ph.D." or should I refer to him more appropriately as "Mr. Cuckoo", had the audacity to try and fool our reader's into believing some hog wash story about my 'Object 309' being some sort of ancient Chinese health product for the soles of your feet. Who knows what other bullshit stories he's written about the other objects in our collection? Can you believe the nerve of this guy? What next Mr. Blofli a write up about a dunny brush that cures hemorrhoids? I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for this most unfortunate incident and ensure YOU, our readers, that a disgusting episode like this will hopefully never happen again. Oh yes, one more thing, you can be assured that we are trying to get a psychiatrist from the nearest mental hospital to give Dr. Blofli an examination.

Tanina Nunce

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