13th March, 2000 N E W S FREE MAGAZINE!
Corruption threat to fashion, warns Cindy
Corrupt fashion designers are feared to be influencing today's youth to purchace large quantities of poorly designed aparel, warned the inquiry headed by Cindy this morning.

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Cindycorp announces IPO
After weeks of rumours, Cindycorp has finally made their IPO. Opening at $3.23 the stock rose quickly and settled at $9.42 where it hovered for the rest of the day. The ASX has warned investors not to become overconfident, and to wait for a thorough analysis before risking their equity.

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Weather
Todays weather will be somewhat tepid, with a fair chance of tropical snow storms and a late change. Bring your umbrella and sunscreen.

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Stars Steal Show
Record crowds lined the banks of the Yara last weekend to watch the world acclaimed Tibetan waterskiing team preform for the Moomba festival. The anticipation that has been building since the group set the world record for the number of Cindys balancing on a single ski last month reached fever pitch, and officials were concerned that the weight of the fans gathered to watch the event might pose a structural threat to the newly constructed Burnley tunnel. There were fears the display would be cancelled, but pressure from sponsors and advertisers ensured that the spectacle proceeded as planned.
Human cloned in Melbourne
Scientists working at CSIRO have recently discovered a technique for safely cloning humans. In a controversial move, they have disregarded suggestions for seeking community consultation and produced a perfect copy of an unidentified volunteer, The embryonic clone will have a number of untested growth accelleration treatments to speed its development, and researchers hope that it will reach full maturity within six months. Following the lead of European pioneers in the cloning field, the scientists have named their creation 'Cindy'.
Cars Kill Spectators
Members of the Save Albert Park group staged a protest at the Grand Prix last Saturday, and many people are blaming them for the tragic deaths that followed when spectators were run over by the racing cars which swerved to dodge the protesters. The spokesperson for the protesters, who would only be identified as 'Cindy', claimed that the accident would have been avoided if the cars had been driving in reverse. Race organisers have called for people to be more careful when watching the event, and encourages people to stand *behind* the concrete safety barriers, despite complaints that the view is not as spectacular.

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Debits cleared
In a shock announcement, the major banks and financial institutions have declared that all loans owed to them need not be repaid. After lengthy discussions with the international anti-trade commission, Ms Cindy Park, the decision was unanimous that such a move would help reduce profits to a more managable level.

Details page 11.


Hollywood comes to town
The local film production industry is abuzz with news that the next major Hollywood feature 'Cindy' will be produced in South Melbourne. Rumors that the lead role will be filled by an animated character are still unconfirmed, but sources claim that efforts to cut costs will force them to use virtual actors.